And They All Got Drunk
by animedragongirl
Summary: A SUPPOSEDLY secret meeting in the Godaime's office becomes perfect blackmail for Sasuke... and Deidara!


Sasuke gazed in awe at the screen before him. All he could think was that he was incredibly lucky that he was the one cleaning the Hokage's office…

* * *

Five people were sitting around the desk that was miraculously clear of paperwork- actually, the paperwork was in a haphazard pile to one side. 

They were, in clockwise order starting at the top: the Godaime, Tsunade, former team mate and Otokage, Orochimaru, Toad Hermit Jiraiya, half-shark nukenin from Kiri, Hoshigaki Kisame, and Konoha's own Uchiha massacre-committing, Uchiha Itachi.

They were all completely drunk. Except for Tsunade, who was half drunk and going for all-out trashed.

"You," Kisame said abruptly to Tsunade, "are really, really, uhh… pretty… or, well, you would be, except for the whole pbbth-" this was emphasized with an sideways U hand motion "- factor."

Orochimaru choked and spit his mouthful of sake onto Itachi, who blinked in a rather confused manner and then shook his head dazedly. Jiraiya stared at the half-shark man, then snickered drunkenly (which he was) and told him, "You are so screwed." Tsunade blushed and her eye twitched simultaneously.

"Oh, really?"

Not seeming to notice the suddenly frigid air blowing around the office, Kisame seemed to consider this thoughtfully, gave up, and agreed. "Yep. Yep, you are."

There was a loud crash and the office was filled with large amounts of dust from the un-dusted bookshelves Tsunade had thrown the nukenin into. After it cleared, it was determined she had actually thrown him through the bookshelves and the wall, which was thirty feet above the ground.

Orochimaru wandered over to the edge half supporting and being supported by Jiraiya. They both leaned very far over the edge…

…and were suddenly falling as a rather half-trashed Hokage poked them with her finger!

She giggled stupidly and slumped back in her chair next to Itachi, who seemed to be leaning over in his chair to get a better look at the hole in the wall. He was slowly getting closer to the floor.

"So," she said cheerfully. "It's just you and me!"

Itachi straightened and stared at her like he had never quite seen her before. He blinked owlishly.

"How's life in Akatsuki?"

Blink.

"So how's work? Hard?" Tsunade continued airily.

Blink. Confused look.

"Bet you don't have any paperwork. Lucky!"

"…Kisame! Don't leave me alone with her!" the trashed Uchiha wailed as he made his rather wobbly way over to the gaping hole and walked off the edge.

Tsunade blinked. She could have sworn there was someone looking like the rather bratty Uchiha who commanded her personal anbu unit sitting in front of her.

"Oh well." She reached for the sake bottle.

* * *

Sasuke walked up to Naruto's apartment. He knocked on the door. 

Naruto answered it. "Oi, teme," he said annoyed. "Whadda you want? You ditched our training session!"

Sasuke couldn't keep the look of glee off his face. "Oh my god, Naruto, you have to see this!" he crowed. "Meet me in the briefing room at one, 'kay? This is so, frickin' funny. Be there!"

The blonde stared at the back of the normally stoic Uchiha as he turned and vanished, grinning like a maniac.

* * *

So, at one, he was outside the briefing room. He stared at the group that was there. There was Sakura and Ino, bickering as usual, Shikamaru, looking bored, Neji, still in uniform- Sasuke must've run into him as soon as he got back from a mission, Naruto thought abstractedly- Hinata, who had seen him and was blushing furiously, Chouji, eating chips as usual, and Kiba and Akamaru chatting with a clearly not listening Hinata. 

Just then the door banged open, and a flustered Sasuke stood there. "Get in," he hissed to the group. "I've only got this room for a half-hour! Hurry!"

They filed in after the rather jumpy Uchiha.

"What's wrong with you?" Naruto demanded.

Sasuke grinned in a homicidal lunatic way. "You will never believe what I found," he nearly sang. "You HAVE to watch it!"

They all stared at him. They had never, ever, seen him like this. And none of them ever wanted to see him like this again.

Sasuke was rubbing his hands together evilly and cackling like a madman.

"Um… Sasuke-kun? Where's Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked timidly.

"Yo!" Speak of the devil. Kakashi was sitting on the windowsill. "Am I late?"

"Sit down!" Sasuke ordered cheerfully. "You're actually on time for once!"

Strangely enough, this shocked their former teacher so much that he gaped at his former student and then meekly sat down. He seemed to be in a daze. Naruto made a note to himself to tell Kakashi he was on time for something in the near future.

Sasuke walked up to the TV at the front of the room and pushed in a tape. He turned on the TV, and pressed play.

Everyone's jaw dropped. It was a video of Sasuke as a little baby!

Said Uchiha blinked at the happily cooing mini self on screen, blinked, muttered "Crap- wrong tape," pressed the eject button and took the tape out. He fished around in his pack and brought out an identical tape that had a large, obvious label screaming **"BLACKMAIL!"** and inserted it. He pressed play…

…and everyone's jaws dropped again at the sight of the five drunk people!

* * *

Deidara was picking his way along the rooftops of Konoha and dropped onto the Hokage's tower. He caught a glimpse of black hair and nearly cheered. This had to be Itachi-san! 

Unfortunately for Itachi, and… a lot of other guys, it wasn't.

"Itachi-san! Sir Leader-sama asked me to come look… for… you…" he said as he smashed through the window.

"Uhhh…" Sasuke said.

He didn't have to try. Deidara's eyes were glued to the screen.

"Oh. My God."

Everyone stared as an incredulous grin spread across the artist's face.

"Can I have a copy of this?" he begged Sasuke. "Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"

"Umm… yeah?"

"ARIGATO! I won't tell Itachi-san where I got it," he looked at Naruto, "I won't try to catch you when we finally go after you," he turned to Sakura, "I won't kill you for killing Sasori-danna," now Kakashi, "and I won't, uh… I'll think of something for you later!" Kakashi was still too shocked to make an objection.

And so Itachi and Kisame never knew why everyone in Akatsuki never took them seriously again… and the Godaime never knew why her subordinates snickered in her presence… and Jiraiya never noticed anything at all, because he's just that way.

* * *

A/n- Okay, I just had to put Deidara in there. He's in my top three fav characters, so I just had to. 

The drunk scene was made up in a 'wouldn't that be frickin' funny?' idea discussion. We regularly have these. This is how The Jak and Daxter Prank War got started. Anyway, I provided the plot and pretty much everything else.


End file.
